A Boy Just Needs His Mother
by Blackwolf-20
Summary: Juliet never thought about becoming a mother, on the other hand, she never expected to find a man she truly loved. But the odd circumstance of time traveling to the 70's, leaves her to become a mother to the most unlikely person. How will this affect the future and her relationship with Sawyer?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lost**

**I thought I'd write this as I'm re-watching the series. A certain person has become such an intriguing character to me, that I just had to write this story that is an alternate idea to a few of the episodes where the losties are back in Dharma times. Hope you enjoy.**

**Chapter 01**

She laid her folded clothes neatly at the edge of a bed that was not completly remade. The sheets were still unsheveled after a long awaited passionate night with the head of security. She gave a small smile as she looked over at the pillows and thought about how strange her life had become. Years ago, she had been the enemy to the man she now loved, and she was loving that man in 1977. Juliet walked over to the head of the bed and brushed a hand against the pillow he laid upon as she wished for it to last.

She was just about to make up the bed when she heard a crash in the living room. Juliet froze and looked toward the door.

"James!" she called. She refraimed from investigating as she could hear his footsteps heading toward the source of the noise. She figured he'd handle whatever had happened, and made to finish the bed, but paused at the sound of yelling. Juliet frowned as she moved toward the door.

"James?!" She could just hear him shouting "What did you do? What the hell you do that for!" Juliet quickened her pace down the hallway, her loose hair flying behind her.

There was James, once known as Sawyer, now known as LaFleur, standing before a broken mug that lay in a small puddle of coffee on the floor. Juliet shifted her gaze to the reciever of his anger. A small brown haired boy was shaking and rubbing his eyes as he began to cry.

"What happened?", she asked as he made her way to the boy. She didn't wait for James to explain as she bent over and scooped the kid up into her arms.

"What happened, is that kid just broke one of my best mugs, and he's lying about it," he answered, in a pissed off tone.

"James he's only three," she reasoned. "And since when do you have a favorite mug?"

"That ain't the point. He's lying!" he snapped. The young boy turned and burried his face in Juliet's purple top. She instinctively raised a hand against the back of his head.

"James, it was a mistake."

"No, the mistake was letting this happen in the first place. Letting him happen," he growled as he pointed to the boy.

Juliet huffed in anger and hurried away form him. She tried not to think as she carried the boy to his room. He was sobbing quietly into her shirt. Once she'd made it, she closed the door behind them and leaned against it on the other side.

"It's okay, it's okay," she said soothingly, but she felt like she was saying it more to herself than the boy. It was all she could do to keep the tears from falling as she released a deep breath. She couldn't understand why the onlly dysfunction in their lives had to be this child-their child. They were in the 70's, in the Dharma Initiative, yet any arguments they would have, started because of their son. Her eyes closed momentarily as she thought of the meaning of 'son'. Then she looked down at him, and gave a small smile as she walked over to his bed and postioned him comfortably on her knee. She pulled him away from her, and gently began to pull his fists from his eyes.

"It's okay, don't cry. You're alright." His teary blue eyes met her light blue ones. "You want to tell me what happened? You won't get into trouble, I promise."

He sniffled, but refused to part his lips. He was still shaken up.

"Trust me," she said quietly. "Did you knock over his mug?"

Slowly he nodded his head as a few more tears ran down his soft cheeks.

"Did you do it on purpose?" This time, she asked it more seriously as she watched him.

"No," he answered as he shook his head.

"Was it an accident?"

He nodded and sobbed a quiet "Yes" as he burried his face into her shoulder once more. Juliet held him close and began to rock him genlty while making 'ssshing' noises.

"Hey, it's okay. We all make mistakes Ben," she told him, in a tone that marked defeat.

As the words left her, she wondered if James was right. If she had made a mistake-by raising Benjamin Linus as her son.

**I wonder how many of you saw that coming. I would have loved to express this in the plot description, but I didn't want to give it away. I had planned to write a version where it's either Jack, Sayid or Kate looking after young Ben, as I've come across fanfics that hint at that idea. Such fanfics have only been oneshots, and they never went far enough. So in this case, I'm doing it with a pairing I'm sure no one's thought of, as I haven't seen it. I like little Ben interacting with the losties, and being I've never written Juliet and Sawyer before, (especially like this) it'll be an interesting manner, especially considering Sawyer. So in this scenario, Ben is a lot younger. In the next chapter, it'll become clear how that came to be. This is an alternate storyline to the series, but still very familiar.**

**So, how did Ben wind up being Juliet and Sawyer's son? Review and find out next time!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lost**

**Here's the second part guys! So how did Juliet end up with young Ben? **

**I'm glad you guys reviewed! It keeps me motivated to continue this plot.**

**Chapter 02**

_**3 years earlier**_

_**"**__It's okay Emily, you're gonna be fine," the man insisted as he brushed a hand against the perspiring face of his wife. The woman's face was contorted in anguish. Tears were running down her pale face as she gripped the edge of the bed, gasping and crying._

_"I can't...I can't do it," she cried, fearfully. "Something's wrong!"_

_"Hang on Emily," her husband begged. "Can't you do something?"_

_He had managed to turn away from his suffering wife, to the small group of attendants who were hurrying about in the delivery room. The closest was Juliet, who under changed circumstances had become their obstetrician. She took a moment to move toward him in what she hoped was a comforting manner, but the situation was too dire for anyone to remain calm._

_"We're doing everything we can Roger, so I need you to try and stay calm." She didn't understand why she was there. Sawyer had managed to convince her to deliver the child, being that their rightful doctor was out. It barely registered that she would be delivering the man who would one day become an obsessive, lying, murderous bastard. She could never tell the Linus's that, but considering the current situation, it looked like it wasn't going to happen at all. Emily Linus was delivering early-too early._

_She let out a scream. "It...hurts." It was an understatement._

_Juliet silently moved back into place as she tried to keep the horror from showing upon her features. It was going to be the same nightmare all over again. In her past, she had never managed to save the mothers for Ben, and now, she wouldn't even be able to save Ben-let alone his mother. They would both die, and she was terrified._

_"Okay Emily, I need you to push," she said, as calmly as she could. Her confidence was dropping fast. She silently cursed Sawyer for putting her in this position._

_Emily gave out another shriek of pain, which tore at Juliet's heart. The medicine was doing nothing to ease her suffering. What made Sawyer think she could do this? What made Emily believe it? When Juliet had been introduced, Emily gravitated toward her for her help. Juliet hadn't been surprised. They had gotten to know one another fairly well during their first weeks among the Dharma Initiative. _

_"Come on Emily," Roger whispered. "You can do it." _

_Juliet just caught Roger taking ahold of one of her hands. She had a bad feeling about this._

_"You need to push now!" she ordered. Could he be saved? Emily groaned loudly as she followed the command. The baby was going to die!_

_"Almost there!"_

_"Emily...it's okay."_

_"I can see the head," Juliet announced. Her hands were at the ready as Ben slowly made his appearance. It was all so surreal. The soft flesh of his head fell into her hands._

_"Juliet, there's so much-"_

_Juliet cut off the exclamation of one of the nurses. There definately was a lot of blood, more than usual, but she didn't want the Linus's to hear it. _

_"Keep pushing!" she commanded. She concentrated on guiding her future boss out of the womb. It felt somewhat ironic as he would be the one to guide her to the island where this very moment could occur._

_The next cry from Emily Linus was the hardest for all of them to hear, but it was quickly overcome by the sound of a baby's wails. Juliet gathered him into her arms and stared down into his little pink face. For once, the blood upon his skin wasn't the result of a beating, but of life. And for a brief second she had forgotten where she was. All she could do was stand and stare in shock at the living baby. She had forgotten who he was, or rather would be._

_"Well...is it a boy or a girl?" Roger quickly asked._

_Juliet looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights. Somehow she managed to draw up a smile, though it was false._

_"It's a boy."_

_Roger grinned in triumph. "Did you hear that Emily? It's a boy."_

_Juliet was genuinely happy when she saw Emily's lips twitch upward. It hadn't been too late. She could still save a mother and her child. It didn't matter who the child was._

_But the moment wouldn't last as she threw her head back and screamed._

_"Emily, what's wrong?" Roger cried, panicked._

_"Roger...it hurts," she cried._

_The two nurses that were experiencing the same situation with Juliet hurried over. From then on, everything seemed to pass as a dream before Juliet's eyes. The baby was still in her arms. Benjamin had now become silent. She heard her name being called to respond, but she couldn't. She couldn't move._

_"Emily...Emily, stay with me," he pleaded._

_She managed to reach her hand up to the side of his face. _

_"Name him Benjamin," she begged._

_"Emily...EMILY!"_

_Her hand fell still onto the bed. Juliet could only stare. She felt as if she too had died. She had failed, again._

**Present**

Juliet ran her hand several times down the back of the boy's head. Ben was now lying, stomach down, upon his bed which had dark blue covers with little polar bears playing on it. He was still sobbing, but quietly.

"I'm going make you some breakfast alright? You just wait here okay."

The only response he gave was a slight movement of his legs. It reminded Juliet of how childish he was. He wasn't capable of hurting others yet, not intentionally. She felt her smile falling as she stood and crossed the room. Before leaving, she took in the sight of his environment. The walls were light blue. There were shelves with the books she'd read to him. In a corner near the toy chest and stuffed animals on the floor, was a rocking chair which she'd use to comfort him. This was not a man she was raising, he was still a young boy. A young boy she hoped to change, but not alone.

She quietly left the room, closing the door part way. Regardless of how many times she'd had this talk with James, she never felt confident enough to end them completely. Nonetheless, she moved down the hall, ready for another battle.

"James," she started.

He was crouched over, cleaning up the broken pieces. When she appeared, he sighed and stood.

"Don't start in on me blondie, he had it coming."

"He had it coming?" she asked incredulously. "Do I need to remind you that he is just a boy."

"He ain't just any boy Juliet. He's Ben Linus. You remember what kind of man he is, or has Dharma times screwed up your mind?"

"I've never once forgotten who he is, or was, but I hoped that in three years you would put that behind you. Or do I have to remind you that you were the one who insisted I deliver that child."

At that, James pursed his lips knowing that she had a point.

"That didn't mean you had to bring him home."

"James, don't start. You know the reason why I had to. When are you going to move past this?"

James sauntered up to her in a near rage.

"When you realze you ain't changing nothing. He lied about breaking my mug. That's just the begining. Face it Jules, you can't change the future." He moved out of her sight, carrying more than the broken pieces of a ceramic. Juliet gazed after him, slightly wondering if it were true.

_**Flashback**_

_There was his son, making soft gurgling noises and wiggling about as he lay in a simple white bassinet in the recovery room. Roger was sitting at the edge of the bed, staring blankly at him. Gone were the smiles and feelings of pride at his son's birth. His wife had just died, because his son was born._

_Juliet stood just off to the side with a chart in her hands as a nurse talked to her about what needed to be done next, but her focus was pinned more on the miserable looking Roger._

_"Okay," she said quietly to the nurse. "Let me talk to him. Can you excuse us."_

_The nurse nodded and left quietly. Juliet now turned to the broken man. She was sure her own features carried a haunted expression._

_"Roger," she said softly. She laid her hand on his shoulder. "I am so sorry."_

_After a moment, Roger made a barely audible gasp that almost sounded like a laugh._

_"Yeah...I'll bet you are," he grumbled. He wouldn't take his eyes off his boy. It bothered Juliet to see how he was looking at him. He was already blaming the newborn, which made her nervous as to what he might do. "Wasn't your fault...it was his."_

_Juliet turned her eyes to look at Ben, in his most innocent form. He was completely harmless and helpless at this moment. He didn't deserve to be punished now._

_"Roger, your wife suffered complications that-"_

_"No it was his fault!" he insisted. He suddenly stood and approached the bassinet. Juliet hurried over in case she needed to stop him from doing something rash. "He had to come early. He had to kill my wife."_

_"Roger, he's just a baby," Juliet tried to reason. "He's your son."_

_"He' ain't my son," he growled. "I don't have a son...and I don't have a wife!" He gripped the edge of the bassinet and gave it a violent shake. Ben immediately started crying and Juliet was forced to grab onto Roger._

_"Roger, please..." He threw her hands off._

_"If someone had to...if someone...it shouldn't have been, her." His blank stare turned into a deadly glare for the boy. He stumbled back and moved toward the door. By now, Juliet was becoming teary-eyed at Roger's cold rejection. She could barely summon her voice._

_"Roger, where are you going?"_

_"My wife needs me," he answered bitterly._

_"Your son needs you!" Juliet countered, in a desperate attempt to spare Ben another loss. But her words fell on deaf ears. All she could hear now were the baby's screams. After a second's hesitation, she reached down and tried to soothe him._

_"Ssshhh...it's okay...it's okay." She couldn't keep her voice from cracking. She didn't fully understand why she was feeling crushed for Ben. Of course no child deserved to lose their mother. She assumed it was because she was witnessing a painful part of his past-a past that she had a hand in creating._

_"Juliet?"_

_She looked up and was disappointed to see Sawyer standing in the doorway instead of Roger. Still, her tears began to fall. The emotion she held back was now exposed. Sawyer hurried over to her as she placed a hand over her mouth to hold it in._

_"Hey, you alright?"_

_"No...James, I'm not alright. It didn't work. The mother still died." Juliet was pulled into his comforting embrace._

_"It's okay. You did all you could."_

_"That's not the worst of it." She pulled away to look down at the baby. "Roger doesn't want him. He blames him for...he doesn't want him. How could he do that?"_

_Sawyer moved to massaging her shoulders as he peered down at the baby. She could only imagine what was going on in his mind._

_"I'll be damned," he whispered. They both stared down at the baby, who would one day become the man responsible for much of their pain. They were distracted from him when Horace appeared in the doorway._

_"Juliet, LaFleur," he greeted with a solemn nod. Juliet moved over to him._

_"How's Roger doing?"_

_"Not well," he said as his head dropped. "He's taking it pretty hard, as you can imagine. I don't think he'll be able to take care of the baby at the moment."_

_"Well, then we'll have to find someone who can," Juliet insisted, but she wasn't offering. Horace's eyes latched onto her's._

_"Well, I have thought about that on the way over here. I thought maybe you could do it."_

_Juliet was stunned into silence. Luckily Sawyer came to her rescue._

_"Hold on a sec. I know we're kind of desperate here, but let's not get reckless."_

_"I know, I hear what you're saying. You haven't been here that long, but Emily knew you Juliet. You and her were close."_

_"We weren't that close Horace," she argued, but the tears were still running. Ben was starting to cry again. "I can't...I can't do it."_

_"Please Juliet. It would mean a lot that you do this. Afterall, you did deliver her son. If you don't step in, who will."_

_"I think there's plenty of parents on this island that could do it," Sawyer growled._

_"Well for the time being then," Horaced reasoned. "I'll send word around to see if anyone's interested, and maybe by then Roger will come around. But for now, I need it to be you, for Emily."_

_Juliet wiped away the last of her tears as she turned and looked in the direction of the baby. _

**Present**

Juliet tried to keep her mind off her frustration as she stirred up the malt-o-meal over the stove. After a few minutes she heard James sauntering into the kitchen. She knew he would be carrying the expression of guilt on his face, so she didn't bother to turn around to face him. She stayed silent. She heard him sliding the chair across the floor to sit. Another excrutiating minute passed by before he bothered to speak.

"Look-"

"I don't want to argue with you anymore James," she said sternly.

"I ain't arguing." Juliet continued with her task. "You'd think after three years, we'd be one happy family. But I don't think that can happen anymore Juliet. Remeber what Farraday said? 'What happened, happened'."

"What does that have to do with us?" she quesioned with an air of anger.

"It wouldn't have anything to do with us, if us hadn't become three with Ben. The kid's not a helpless baby anymore. He's growing, and pretty soon he's gonna grow to have ideas. The kind of ideas that turn him into that little bug-eyed bastard that put us through hell."

Juliet slammed down the spoon and spun around.

"How can you...how can you say that about my son."

James looked back at her, unfazed. "He ain't your son Juliet. He's Emily's."

"James," she tried, as calmly as she could. "Emily's dead. I'm the only one who can raise him."

"Cause Horace told you to? Cause you owe Emily?" Juliet simply stared at him, not understanding. "I put up with it because you decided you wanted to handle a kid. But me, I never pictured myself someone's daddy."

"That why you never went back for Clementine?"

James' soft features hardened at the remark. He instantly stood and stomped over to her.

"I couldn't be her daddy then, and I sure as hell can't be Ben's now. Now I"m sorry, but we've kept that kid long enough. I think now's the time, if any, to give him up, before he gets another year older. Hell, we weren't even suppose to keep him this long, but if this is what it's gonna be like, then I'm out."

This time, Juliet tried a softer approach. She raised her arms onto his shoulders and stared into his eyes.

"James, I know you didn't plan on becoming a parent. I didn't plan on it either. But it's happened, even if he's not ours by blood. And now that Ben's growing up, you have to expect him to make mistakes, but I don't want you to assume he's making them because of who he was."

"Was?" James questioned.

"As long as we're here, I don't see why we can't guide him in the right direction. Neither of us have experience parenting, but we can learn, together. I just want to try and, save him, save us."

"What about Farraday?"

"I don't see what's wrong with testing his theory, if it'll help Ben. Maybe I was always suppose to raise him. I can't cast him out, but I don't want to lose you."

James's features softened even more.

"You're not gonna lose me." He sealed the promise with a passionate kiss, and when they parted, Juliet was reminded of why she continued to love him. "If you're gonna go out of your way to save the future, I guess I'd better pick up Dr. Bock's 'Guid to Parenting'."

She laughed, then turned to fix a bowl for Ben. Afterwards she left the kitchen and made for Ben's room. She gave the door a slight knock.

"Ben, sweety, it's time for breakfast." When there was no reply, she entered, but Ben was not where she left him. She glanced around the room. He wasn't the sort to suddenly take up playing hide and seek, yet she took up the search.

It didn't take long for her to realize he wasn't there. She hurried down the hall, calling his name. James heard her and approached.

"Juliet? What's going on?" She was too stunned to explain until he gave her a slight shake. "Juliet?"

"He's gone."

"What?"

"Ben's gone," she stated fearfully.

**Well, with those flashbacks, you found out how Ben ended up being in Juliet's care. Instead of Ethan's mother Amy, it's Ben's mother that Juliet's helping. So the story appears to follow the episodes on the series, but are skewed in order for this plot to exist. Note that Juliet claiming Ben as her son is the way Kate claimed Aaron as her son. Aside from Jack, Ben made it clear to her that Aaron wasn't her son. So, there's a parallel for yah. **

**We're at the point where Sawyer's ready to see little Ben as big Ben, but Juliet's not ready to give up now. But where is little Ben? **

**Keep the reviews coming and find out next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lost**

**So what happened to Ben? Did he just vanish into thin air because they weren't meant to raise him?**

**Chapter 03**

"James, he's gone, he's just gone," Juliet cried as the panic began to take a hold of her.

"Calm down, he can't just disappear," James reasoned.

"But he's not in his room," she argued.

"Then that's gotta mean he's out here somewhere, don't it." Juliet took a moment to accept this possibility and nodded. "Alright. You go check our room and the bathroom, and I'll check out here."

With their tasks divided, they both began to turn the house inside out. Juliet called for him, but James remained silent, except for the few curses escaping his lips. They searched places where a small child was able to hide in or become stuck. They thought of places most people probably wouldn't think about. About an hour later, they met up in the front room once more.

"Anything?" James asked. Juliet shook her head.

"No." Juliet couldn't remember the last time she felt so worried. She had never lost him before, which made her question her abilities as a mother figure. "No...he's not here."

"Then he probably snuck outside," he answered with a growl. "Doesn't surprise me. He was always sneaky."

"James," she warned.

"Right," he agreed, as he took a moment to drop the attitude. "I'm on it."

He made his way to the door. Juliet watched him leave as the weight of the loss settled in the pit of her stomach. Considering that it's never happened before, she wondered if it was a sign, or possibly in some crazy way the doing of the island. Maybe it was its way of telling her the future couldn't be altered; that Ben didn't belong to her.

She ran a hand across her forehead and just happened to glace over at the wall. There was a picture hanging there of her holding Ben as a baby in her arms. She was giving the camera a delighted smile. It made her smile as she remembered why she looked so happy. She had been joking with James, the photographer of the picture, that this picture was highlighting a moment that neither of them could really believe. It was proof that this was happening, that she had been assigned as a mother to Ben. It was like a bad joke. Besides that, they had no other proof they'd gone back in time, unless they counted the one photo the Dharma Initiative took of them as proud members. James, had been making all kinds of silly remarks about the matter. But now it occurred to her that his remarks could have been his was of covering up his frustration at what she'd agreed to.

Juliet approached the picture as her smile fell once again. That moment seemed to mark the last time James had been sarcastic in such a humorous way. The reality of it set in afterwards.

_**Flashback**_

_Juliet paced the room tiredly as she carried a bawling baby Benjamin in her arms in the middle of the night. This was the fourth time they had gone through this as they'd only had the boy for four days. _

_"Come on Ben...it's alright," she pleaded. She gently rocked him as she moved. On the bed, Sawyer was tossing about until he popped up and threw his pillow to the floor._

_"Son of a bitch! Can't you shut that thing up?"_

_"I'm doing my best James," she said, trying not to snap. "This is what babies do."_

_"Sounds like what Ben would do," he said bitterly. He pulled his feet over the edge of the bed and ran a hand through his hair. Juliet wandered up to him with the still screaming baby._

_"What's that suppose to mean?"_

_"It means it was a mistake for you to take him in. That brat's kept us up three nights in a row, and now it's four." Juliet simply shook her head._

_"You don't think I'm tired of it too?"_

_"I think you're too stubborn to admit it. That ain't just any kid in your arms. It's Ben, and I got a good feeling he's doing all this just to piss us off, like old times."_

_"Stop it James!" she cried over the wailing. "You can't possibly think he's capable of manipulating us. He's a baby. He's not the Ben that we know."_

_"In several years time he will be. You still want to be stuck with him by then?" All Juliet could do was stare back, uncertain. "You hang on to that kid any longer, you're gonna get attatched cause you'll forget what he is, and we'll never be free."_

_"James I can't. He doesn't have a mother...Roger doesn't...want him." She paused to adjust the baby onto her shoulders. "I have to."_

_"No you don't," Sawyer growled. "This is the kind of thing that'll tear us apart. I don't care what you call him, Ben is Ben, and I don't want nothing to do with him either. And I don't want you having anything to do with him. Come morning you're taking him back."_

_"So I don't get a say? I delivered him!" By now, tears were starting to slip down her cheeks. Maybe she couldn't do this afterall. Maybe she could never be a mother to her own child._

_"And you're lucky I ain't blaming you for that. You had your say when you said 'yes' to Horace, now it's my turn." He gave her a serious glare. "We ain't keeping him."_

_Juliet found herself speechless and unable to stay in the same room with him any longer. She turned on her heels heading for the kitchen, but she was unable to escape the demands of both males. _

**Present**

Juliet left the house, now more motivated to find their boy. The island had done strange things, but she was sure it couldn't make a child vanish. It was too cruel.

She crossed the compound, passing her fellow workers. A good handful of them were hurrying about. Coming her way was James, but he was alone. She frowned in confusion.

"James, where is he?"

"I haven't found him yet. But don't worry, I set off an Amber alert and got the Dharma folks searching."

"But, he could be in trouble, or..." Juliet didn't want to imagine the horrors that could have happened. "What if the Others took him."

James pulled her hand from her forehead and held it.

"Hey, they ain't took no one or we would've known. Besides that, they ain't in the habit of taking kids yet."

Juliet's features crumbled at hearing another remark that targeted the child. She shook her head and started to back away.

"You don't want to find him do you."

"What?"

"It's perfect that he's gone. Just like you wanted," she accused.

"Hold on a sec," James said as the anger started to appear. "If I didn't care I wouldn't have bothered to send out search parties. I'm doing this for you."

"I want you to do this for us," she cried. Her voice was breaking, and the tears were coming yet again. As frustrated as she was at James, she couldn't help letting her head fall against his chest. She felt his arms wrap around her to pull her closer.

When her sobbing had slowed, she spoke.

"Maybe this is a sign...maybe, I can't be his mother. Maybe it was suppose to happen." She looked up at him and met his concerned expression.

"I know you don't believe that," he said quietly. "You care about that kid more than anything, like he was your own son. Guess I couldn't get past that. Three years was long enough to get over a woman, but it sure as hell wasn't long enough to accept a kid. One that ain't even mine."

"James, you can't become Roger," Juliet warned as she wiped away the tears. "He can't take another loss, and neither can I. You can't give up on him. You can't give up on the future."

James sighed and briefly looked away. "Dammit, I know." He looked back into her eyes. "I'll find him, and I'll do it for us. You go clear your head in the lunch hall. We got this."

Juliet gave a nod and James hurried away. She didn't really want to sit and wait, but part of her felt it would do her some good. She took his advice and crossed the compound in the direction of the lunch room. As she moved, she noticed a few eyes following her. She could just catch them whispering to one another, no doubt discussing her reckless parenting.

When she made it into the hall, the first thing that caught her attention was Miles and Jin who were sitting at a table to themselves, talking quietly. She hesitated before joining them. Miles, who was facing her at the table, looked up with a somewhat akward expression.

"Hey," Juliet greeted with a forced smile. Though she was always happy to see them, the current circumstances weighed her down.

"Hey yourself," Miles replied as she sat down next to Jin. "So...your kid's gone."

She was momentarily caught off gaurd, but she remembered it was Miles' way of expressing himself.

"Yeah. James has everyone, keeping an eye out for him."

"Is there anything we can do?" asked Jin.

"I don't think so."

She found she couldn't look them in the eye, and she didn't want to openly discuss it with them. She managed to look at Miles who seemed more wrapped up in his own world. He had been the one to side with James on the idea of her taking Ben. In the begining, he was the one to bring up Farraday's warning since he wasn't around. Then there was Jin, who was separated from a wife who would have a child of her own. She knew it couldn't have been easy for Jin to see her and James with the baby, knowing he might never see the child he'd had with Sun. Still, he was there for her.

Nothing more was said between them. Juliet was sure they were looking at this as a sign as she had been doing earlier. She was begining to think it was a trait the males closest to her shared. That Ben didn't belong with them. Afterall, he wouldn't be Dharma when he grew up. He would become a hostile. She felt a strong need to prevent that from happening, but not solely for the sake of the Initiative.

Her gaze traveled to the hand James had held. It was not too late for him to become a true father to Ben. It was not too late to fix things.

**Okay, that was chapter 3, and we're still not sure what happened to Ben. Maybe we'll find out next chapter. I'm glad a lot of people are enjoying this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it. So keep reviewing. **

**I not only write this story because it was a crazy idea I had, I also write it to inspire others. There are many possibilities you can make out of Lost, but often people don't take them. I hope this story encourages more strange fanfics for Lost. I especially hope this fic inspires writers to write more Little Ben stories. There just aren't enough of them, especially with Little Ben's interacting with the losties. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lost**

**Okay, we last left with Ben missing. Juliet is wondering if it means anything.**

Chapter 04

For the last several minutes she had been seated with Jin and Miles, Juliet had directed her gaze at a woman and her young daughter across the room. The girl couldn't be more than six, as she bounced on her feet next to her mother. Her mother smiled at her, gave her a cookie, then tickled her until she let out a string of giggles. It made Juliet smile and think of the time she had seen her sister interacting with her son, Julian.

Juliet closed her eyes and imagined how it would have been had she gotten the chance to meet her nephew. The one her sister felt she should name after her. She smirked as she wondered what Rachel would have said if she knew she had become a mother as well, but not in an ordinary way. Would Rachel have still supported her? She liked to believe so. She'd have liked to believe Rachel would have told her to do what felt right. She would have listened, because she was family. Now that she was trapped on the island, her family consisted of her friends, then James, and finally Ben.

She focused on the mother and daughter once more. The mother was now pulling the girl up on the seat next to her. Whether son or daughter, Juliet could barely imagine motherhood, and now it was thrust upon her. But upon her surogate son's disappearance, she realized she didn't have to take it. James didn't have to take fatherhood. There was always a choice.

Juilet stood, which gained the attention of both Miles and Jin.

"What are you doing?" Miles asked.

"I can't just sit around and do nothing. I have to find him."

"Juliet!"

She turned to a woman known to be her babysitter running toward her.

"Susan? Wha-"

"They found him. They found Ben!" she cried.

"Wha..is he okay?" Juliet quickly asked.

"Yes, he's with James."

Susan turned and Juliet quickly followed. Any doubts Juliet may have carried at the idea of taking on such an imperative role, vanished. Right now, she simply had to get to the boy.

She expected Susan to lead her back to her house, but instead, she was leading her toward the edge of the compound near the sonic fences. Not too far from a pylon was Phil and Horace standing next to James, who was glaring down at the young boy standing before him. Ben appeared to be a little confused over what was happening. Juliet quickened her pace forward as she did not like the boy being so close to danger.

"What happened?" she demanded. "Why are you letting him stand so near the-"

"Cause he almost carried himself right through it," James explained.

"What?"

"Proof's in the pudding Blondie."

"I don't understand." She dropped to her knees before him and immediately began to inspect his little body for damage. "Ben, are you okay?"

He nodded quietly. He didn't seem to understand the danger he put himself in.

"Where have you been?" In response, he pointed at what seemed to be a random house, which actuallly belonged to Phil. Juliet glanced around at the man and noticed his heavy frown. Clearly he didn't approve of a person, let alone a child, sneaking in and around his house.

"He must of been on the move when we was searching," James explained. "Next thing I see, he's running across the compound ready to get bug-zapped."

"Ben why! Why did you run away like that?!" Her anger had caused her to give him a slight shake to his shoulders. "You could've gotten hurt. Why did you do that?"

Juliet refused to back down her seriousness at the sight of his soft blue eyes. He seemed to be on the verge of tears again. How she hated to put him through another confrontation, however, it was his actions causing them. He tossed a quick glance up at James before answering.

"Didn't want me," he said softly.

"What?"

"I bwoke the mug. I was bad."

Juliet was caught off guard. The last thing she thought him capable of doing was punishing himself in some odd way. But she knew it wasn't solely due to simply breaking the mug. James had yelled at him. He had started yelling at him since he became three years old and clumbsy. Juliet understood why after hearing his confession. She glanced up at James who seemed to carry the weight of shame. She looked back at Ben who was watching her carefully. Ever since she had gotten the child, she had been as kind and as patient as possible, but she realized it was time to inspire some tough love. If James was right about anything, it was that the kid was growing up to have ideas, and one of those ideas nearly fried him.

But Juliet also noticed something else. He had worked out the morals of his actions. He saw it as bad and thought he no longer belonged with someone good. His older self had not been that way. His older self wouldn't have cared, or would have placed blame elsewhere. This Ben was still innocent. It gave her hope that he could be saved from making the wrong choices. He could continue seeing the good and bad in his options.

"Ben, it was an accident. I told you that, okay?" Ben gave a nod. "Don't you ever do something like that again, do you understand!"

Ben's eyes softened more, but he didn't cry.

"I'm sowwy mommy."

The word 'mommy' always seemed to strike her, considering it was coming from Ben. But neither Horace, nor the other Dharma members had a problem with it. Ben needed to call her something, and she had never corrected it. She was not 'Juliet' the follower to him, she was 'mommy', his superior.

Seeing that he got the message, Juliet picked him up and laid his head against her shoulder.

"You had me so worried," she whispered. She looked back at James who didn't know what to say in such an awkward moment.

"James, Juliet," Horace started. "In the future, I hope you'll use more caution."

Juliet could see James was ready to attack Horace with exclaimations to say none of this would have happened if he hadn't placed Ben in their care. But thankfully, he kept his mouth shut.

"Of course," Juliet agreed.

"We can't have him wandering off in the wrong places," he continued. Juliet found she couldn't agree with him more.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure he doesn't."

Horace walked away, while prodding Phil to leave before making a comment.

"He alright?" James said, in the need to say something. Juliet pulled Ben off her shoulders in order to look him in the eyes.

"Yeah, you're alright, aren't you?" Ben nodded. "I don't want you to think that just because you did something bad, that you're not wanted."

She paused as she thought of something he had said, or would say, that made her realize in the darkest way of how Ben felt about her.

"You're mine," she told him in a soft voice, unlike the harsh dark tone he had used. She didn't look at James. It was strange how she had managed to get what she wanted in the man she loved, yet, she still somehow belonged to Ben.

_**Flashback**_

_Juliet sat calmly in the front room, slowly rocking in the rocking chair as she bottle fed Ben Linus. He was now one month old, and Juliet was just getting past the awkwardness of the situation. Sawyer had sworn they would never keep him that long, but now it was clear to both of them that she had become somewhat attatched. Besides that, he could never deny her what she wanted._

_She looked down at the baby, wrapped loosely in a light blue blanket against her arms. He suckled quietly and peacefully. He didn't yet have the intense gaze he was known for. He simply looked without really knowing what he was looking at. _

_She heard Sawyer coming down the hall and pausing at the sight of her. She didn't look up._

_"Seem to really get the hang of that," he noted._

_"More and more each time," she answered. She couldn't help smiling at the idea that she might not be a bad mother afterall. It was possible she could do this, regardless of who the baby was or who he belonged to. But then her smile started to become forced, and she glanced up at Sawyer. _

_"James...can I really do this?"_

_"You asking me?" he said in mock surprise. _

_"I never, thought I could. Not like Rachel. I mean, from what Ben showed me, she was a good mother."_

_Sawyer crossed in front of her and planted himself on the couch._

_"You could be a good mother too Juliet. If you want it bad enough. And considering that baby in your arms, you want it." _

_She loooked down at the boy again._

_"I wanted to do it, not only for his sake, but for Emily's. I can't imagine what it's going to be like when he starts calling me mom. Before, he was old enough to be my ..." _

_She couldn't say it. She couldn't say he had been old enough to be her lover. He was the one with the crush, but she had no love for him. In fact, she quickly grew to hate him. No matter how many times she tried to get away from him, get away from his demands, he somehow managed to pull her back in. And now that he had, she wondered if she could grow to love him. She wondered if James could as well. _

_"I couldn've said no. I could've given him back."_

_"Yes you sure could've," Sawyer answered bitterly."Kid's got a decent pair of lungs, not to mention a big appetite, and a load of dirty diapers. You keep telling me he's not Ben yet. Well what happens when he is?"_

_"Well, as long as I'm his mother-"_

_"That's just it, you ain't his mother. Sooner or later you're gonna have to tell him the truth."_

_"And how am I suppose to do that?" she asked as her voice cracked. Telling him the truth involved explaining a complicated and dark past. "Do you really think that he will believe me?"_

_"Ain't really about what he'll believe. It's whether or not you believe you're really gonna change something here. Whether, this choice makes it okay, for us."_

_She looked back at him with a sharp expression._

_"We are going to be okay, James."_

_He smirked and got to his feet. _

_"Well ain't that a relief."_

_As he started to leave the room, Juliet stopped him._

_"James," she paused as she tried to sum up the words, but the simpliest one was best. "Thank you for letting me keep him."_

_Sawyer glanced down at the baby, then crouched down by her side. _

_"I do it all for you blondie. Even if it is a pain in the ass."_

_Juliet nodded, then watched him go. It hadn't been an easy task for her to argue his stay, but she was relieved when Sawyer stopped demanding her to get rid of him. They were making progress, but they still had a ways to go. She didn't want to help Ben on her own, she wanted Sawyer to do so as well without it feeling forced. _

_She glanced down at the baby again, and her confidence started to drop. She thought about all the darkest moments she'd shared with him in the past, or rather future. She thought about the countless stories of his beatings from unfriendly encounters. She thought about his growing urge to kill, take, and destroy lives. If she could keep him under her guidance, she was sure both of their futures would be brighter. All she had to do was trust in herself._

_As Ben's big eyes shifted and caught her own. She thought of the mother he'd lost, even his father. She thought of his obessive urge to please Jacob; to please himself by staying in control. For as long as she'd known him, she thought she knew him. She never once considered what his past was like. Then she thought about the time she expressed her feelings for him by saying, "I hate you" into a non-recording recorder. After that she had no idea what had become of him after she was instructed by him, via Harper, to stop Charlotte and Daniel. _

_And now he was nothing but a baby. It was almost like a twisted punishment for him, where she had the power to alter him._

_But would it become a punishment for her as well?_

_"I'm sorry Ben," she whispered. "I'm sorry, for what happened to you. For what you lost. But...I'll make it better. Trust me."_

**Present**

Juliet and James stood in the doorway as they gazed at the sleeping Ben in his room.

"Crazy day," said James. Juliet gave a light smile.

"Which part?" She turned to him. "Thank you for finding him."

"Well he's my responsibility too ain't he? Kid goes running off, it's my ass too, not just yours."

Juliet turned to look at the boy again. "Well, we're just going to have to watch him more closely."

"In more ways than one. I hope you know what you're doing cause I sure as hell don't."

It was his way of accepting Ben. She just hoped it would last. She also hoped it would develop to the point where she wouldn't have to worry about Ben tearing apart their relationship. She left the doorway and crossed into the room. Ben seemed to be as peaceful as an angel.

She gently ran a hand down his head, then she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"Sweet dreams."

**2 Weeks Later**

Juliet moaned as the phone's rings rang loudly. She didn't bother to answer it as James reached over and did it for her. With the pillow covering her head, she couldn't make out his conversation. It was only when she felt him leave did she question the call.

"Who was it?" James didn't answer as he quickly moved to the closet to gather some clothes. "James, what's going on?"

"It was Jin," he gasped. She couldn't miss the look of shock on his face.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah...just...I gotta go."

He left the room before Juliet could question him further. Instead of running after him, she sighed and turned to get dressed. She needed to get up anyways and handle Ben's breakfast.

Juliet's curiousness of James sudden departure hovered in her mind as she sat at the table. Before her sat her favorite mug with coffee that sat untouched. Next to her was Ben eating his cereal and kicking his legs without a care in the world. Juliet couldn't help smiling at him.

"Is that good?" she asked.

He nodded without looking at her. "Hhmph."

"Good."

After a minute, he stopped eating and became quite still.

"Mommy?"

"Yes sweety?"

"Where's...daddy?" He always seemed to pause before calling James 'daddy'. And in return James never once called him 'son'. Juliet didn't see a need to force them to become comfortable with the wording. She supposed it was natural for them to act that way.

"I don't know. He left early this morning."

"He's working?"

Juliet frowned as she thought back to James' sudden leave.

"Looks that way."

When they had finished, Juliet contacted Susan to sit with Ben so she could start working in the motor pool. But before she headed off to work, she decided to drop in on Miles to find out about James. She quickly headed down to the surveliance unit.

"Miles, have you seen James?"

"Nope," he answered simply from the desk. "He's not answering his walkie either."

She took a moment to study the camera footage, but there was no sign of him.

"Jin called him this morning, then he just ran off without telling me what was going on." She reached over and grabbed a cup a coffee which she had neglected to drink earlier.

"Well, let's see what we've got." Miles headed over and banged on a screen that was particularly out of focus. "Hang on. There he is." The image cleared to show James heading back to their house.

Once she made it back, she found James pulling down clothes from the closet.

"Hey."

"You seen my baggy sweatshirt, the one with the bulldog on it?" he quickly asked, causing Juliet to frown.

"It's in the laundry." She reached out to him before he could escape unquestioned. "James, what's going on?"

"They're back," he gasped.

"I'm sorry, who's back?" she asked, still not following.

"Jack, Hurley, Kate." The names registered like a dream she was vaugely familiar with. She found she still couldn't quite process what he was saying.

"What?"

"I know." He crossed the room headed for the dresser, but he turned to her once more with her look of shock mirrored on his face. "They came back Juliet."

Juliet didn't know what to say. Jack, Hurley, and Kate, were back. They were here. There wasn't time to think of what it could mean for them. All she could think of, in that moment, was that their lives had just changed in yet another dramatic, unexpected way.

**Okay guys, I have a message to present on the next update. So be sure to check it out.**

**I really appreciate all your reviews. I love knowing you're enjoying the story, but it doesn't end here. Now that the Oceanic 6 is here, how will they deal with what's happening with Juliet and Sawyer? Will this break up their family once and for all? Will little Ben find himself abandoned.**

**Tune in next time for an update on where the story goes from here.**


	5. Author's note

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lost**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I've never done an author's note before, because I've never had a reason to, until now. But I'm throwing this note in here because I've decided to divide this up into three and possibly four separate stories, each with a changed perspective as the story progresses. I'm treating it like an actual Lost episode, with the first one centered from Juliet's perspective while raising Ben. It ended on a cliffhanger, like a traditional Lost episode. **

**I had thought about continuing the next part here, but the perspective would be shifted where I don't imagine it could fully hold under the 'Juliet Ben' tag I have for this story. Don't worry though, there will still be Juliet in the next story. In fact, the next one will be tagged 'Sawyer Juliet' so that you get more of each parent with Ben! :D**

**So this is episode one in my 'Raising Ben' series that's been started. I can tell you now the title was inspired by the fact that Roger said '..a boy just needs his mother' to Kate. Here, I was going to have Juliet say it to Sawyer, but I'm kind of writing as a go, with an outline inspired by the show. So, maybe she will say it later. Either way, the title still holds to what happened in this story.**

**Be sure to check out what happens next in the next story (the sequel to this) entitled: "****Not Suppose to Raise him"**** . That title comes from various characters in the series telling another character he or she isn't suppose to raise a certain child. It usually refered to Aaron. Anyways, it picks up where this story left off, with the Oceanic 6 entering the lives of Juliet, Sawyer and Ben. Be sure to check it out. I will try to have it posted as early as Monday or Tuesday!**

**Thanks for the reviews! And stay tuned for "Not Suppose to Raise him", where the simple lives of Juliet, Sawyer and Ben have taken a more dramatic turn ;)**


End file.
